Baa Means Buy: How Shiny Tech Stopped Evolving

You’d be forgiven for thinking modern consumer tech is designed by shepherds. Not the woolly jumper kind, though that might explain the colour choices, but the marketing ones. The ones with clipboards and product roadmaps who know exactly how to keep the flock moving in the right direction: toward the latest $999 glass slab with one extra camera and a new button that does what your finger already did.

Because let’s be honest: at this point, most of us aren’t buying gadgets because we need them. We’re buying them because the other sheep have them. And you don’t want to be the only one in the pasture with last year’s watch face or a non-ceramic phone, do you?

Of course not. What are you, a goat?

The Cult of Incrementalism

This isn’t about function anymore. It hasn’t been for a while. We’ve officially entered the Age of Almost, where everything is almost new, almost improved, and definitely more expensive.

Take the iPhone. Once a marvel of human ingenuity, it’s now essentially a very stylish paperweight that gets marginally faster every September and comes in whatever colours Apple’s mood board agreed on in April. Titanium! Starlight! Mauve for the bold!

Sales? Flat. Interest? Waning. But still we upgrade, partly out of habit, partly because it feels weird to have a two-year-old device that hasn’t been photographed in a review video shot in a minimalist San Francisco loft.

And the big new feature in recent years? Not LiDAR. Not AR. Not something that beams tacos directly into your mouth. No, it’s… insurance. Apple’s best new offering is a monthly reminder that you’ll eventually drop your phone, and they’ll gladly replace it for a fee only marginally less painful than just buying a new one.

Genius. Not in the Steve Jobs way. More in the “quietly bill you forever” way.

Smartwatches, Dumb Upgrades

Then there’s the Apple Watch. You could line up Series 5 through Series 9 in a row and struggle to tell which one you’re wearing, unless, of course, you bought the £799 Hermès edition, in which case you’ll be telling everyone which one you’re wearing.

Each year brings a slightly better screen, a chip that shaves 0.1 seconds off your app loading time, and maybe a new heart metric to stress you out before breakfast.

And yet we buy them. Not because they’re groundbreaking, but because Tim Cook’s tone of voice during the keynote told us we should.

The Nintendo Switcheroo

Nintendo took this strategy to its logical extreme. The Switch came out in 2017 and was already underpowered then. Fast forward six years, and they released… the same console, but with a nicer screen. Still £300+. Still lagging behind most smartphones in performance. Still somehow a bestseller.

Why? Because Mario. Because Zelda. Because the only thing stronger than herd instinct is nostalgia. You don’t need hardware innovation when your audience is emotionally 12 years old. (And frankly, don’t we all want to be?)

The Cracks Are Starting to Show

But something’s shifting. Quietly. Subtly. Almost as if the sheep are starting to question the path.

• iPhone sales have flatlined over the past four years. Not declined. Not soared. Just… meh.

• Apple Watch shipments dropped nearly 20% in 2024. The pasture’s thinning.

• Consumers are holding onto devices longer, not because they’re getting thrifty, but because they’re getting bored.

The novelty is wearing off. And while Apple, Samsung, and friends continue to nudge us with slightly rounder corners and slightly longer battery life, the emotional payoff is shrinking.

Even the ads seem a little desperate now. “Shot on iPhone” used to mean something. Now it’s like, “Look, you too can photograph your dog in portrait mode, again.”

We’re at the point where companies are trying to sell us on feelings because the features aren’t cutting it. Connection. Lifestyle. Belonging. Not exactly specs, are they?

Are the Sheep Headed for Greener Pastures?

Maybe. Or maybe we’re just getting harder to herd.

Maybe we’re tired of spending four figures on a device that doesn’t feel any different to the one we already own, except that it no longer fits in the same case and now tells us our posture is poor.

Maybe we’re waking up from the annual tech trance and asking: “Wait, is this it?”

And that, ironically, could be the most hopeful sign of all.

Because if enough of us stop sprinting toward the shiny thing just because the rest are doing it, companies might have to actually earn our attention again. They might have to innovate, not just iterate.

Imagine that. A world where the next gadget feels new. Where launches spark wonder, not just wallet fatigue. Where “Pro” actually means something, and the term “breakthrough” doesn’t refer to a subscription paywall.

Final Thought: Baa Means No

We’ve spent the past decade grazing in a meadow of glossy marketing and subtle psychological manipulation. And it’s been warm and comfy, sure. But maybe it’s time to look up from the grass and ask whether the shepherds still know where they’re going.

Because the next big leap in tech won’t come from another camera bump or a redesigned notification centre.

It’ll come when we stop chasing and start choosing.

And if that day comes?

Well. That’ll be worth upgrading for.